Love rarely goes smoothly, chuck in chronic illness and an ostomy bag and you have this story.
Spoiler Alert: There is a happy ending as today is my five year anniversary to this amazeballs man and the reason I am sharing our adventure with you all again.
Although I wasn’t looking for love in the beginning, since receiving my ostomy at 26 it’s something that played on my mind. My delightful ex had wished me dead on the eve of my first surgery so my faith in the opposite sex was at an all-time low. That and I couldn’t even look at myself let alone love myself, so how could I expect anyone else too. The fear that I would never find someone who could love me like this was real.
My mum tried to keep me optimistic, even to the point of buying me a wedding dress and a crib, all with that best intent but it reminded me of everything I assumed I would never have.
First surgery 2007, for the gap in between and to read my full story click HERE.
Fast forward a few years...
My sister’s work function that year was at the races and she needed a plus one. I had been hibernating for months and she wasn’t taking no for an answer. So I frocked up and went off to the races. I couldn’t drink and didn’t gamble but it was nice to be out of pyjamas and the confines of the house.
Late in the day my sister and I were people watching the merrier patrons when one peaked her interest due to his amazingly tight ringlet curls, me finding a pinch of my old confidence walked right up to him and tell him they were just that “Awesome”.
My sister Shada & I just before meeting Peter.
He was moderately drunk by this time, so the best he could muster initially was a smile and “thanks” before having to catch up with his mates. Given I wasn’t looking his lack of attentiveness didn’t upset me, but it didn’t last long anyway as he soon turned back walking straight up to me stating.
“You have nice hair too” followed by “Can I have your number” and then “Sorry I used all my good pick-up lines on the other girls…”
I still wasn’t feeling it so I may have knowingly got a number wrong when giving him my number, my sister so nicely corrected it for him before he left. She must have known back then he was a keeper as I didn’t but he didn’t even make it home that night before he called me and asked us all to come to a party at his mate’s house. I was still chronically ill at this stage so partying on was not an option, all my spoons had been used just going to the races so we said no and I didn’t imagine I’d hear from him again.
However, it was only a matter of days before he sent me a text asking me out on a date, I wasn’t in the right place so I told him so and instead of writing me off he told me to keep his number in case anything changed. While I hadn’t changed my mind something did happen and I was in need of a date to the governor’s ball. I thought what the hell and texted him one sentence.
‘Do you look good in a suit?’ to which Peter replied ‘I make great arm candy’.
Spunky couple nowadays aren't we.
Days later we were dressed to the nines getting to know each other on the way to what turned out to be the dullest event either of us had ever been too. It wasn’t a ball but an assembly of accountants and executives listening to the governor talk over canapés and champagne. We left two hours later to find a coffee house so we could actually talk.
The more we talked the less suited we seemed, we were total opposites, so friends it was. He knew I was sick but nothing of the particulars of what was going on in my life so we shared a few texts and our friendship grew. One night while at a costume party we were texting and I got to ask what he went as, he told me a Wraith, now I don’t know if you know what that is (Stargate geek here) but right then I decided that I may have friends listed him too quickly.
Lucky it was close to new years and he had previously invited me to his mate’s NYE party so I rocked up just before midnight to see if he could kiss. Lucky for both of us he could, I only stayed half an hour but he walked me to the car where I checked again if he could indeed kiss before telling him an additional particular I left out of our first conversation.
I have an ileostomy bag due to ulcerative colitis, if that’s cool with you I’ll hear from you soon. If not, that’s cool too…
I give you me, will you accept?
It was now up to him, he would either take me for who I was or not. I didn’t have to wait long until I had my answer. He was on my doorstep the next evening with more answers than questions and things progressed steadily from there, making our relationship Facebook official Valentine’s Day 2010, eight years this year.
We spent our time split between my house and his mum’s as his house was still getting built. A month after making everything official while staying at his mum’s my ostomy leaked while sleeping, It was all over the bed, the floor and me. This is not the first time it had transpired and I had no choice but to jump in the shower and leave the mess until I got out as I the more I tried to clean it the more mess I was making.
When I materialized, he had stripped the bed and was in the process of cleaning the floor. I was embarrassed but he wasn’t fazed. I still took over as he made the bed for us, waking the next day as though nothing had happened.
Years later after we married that he told me that I also pooped a little on him….
Lucky I never knew that or I could have made the worst decision of my life packing my bags and disappearing permanently. He didn’t and I didn’t and our relationship developed until he I was finally well enough to look after myself and my sister found a house with her family opening the door for him to move in.
That Christmas he proposed to me with a lolly he got out of his stocking, I said yes and then ate my ring thinking he was teasing. With no proof of his proposal he told me I would have to wait and a year to the day he surprised me with a real ring on in front of our joint families.
We married April 12th 2013, five years ago today, in Koh Samui Thailand, given there was never any energy for pretences before marriage due to chronic illness, he knew the good the bad and the ugly from day one so nothing changed bar our use of Husband and Wife as terms of endearment. It’s been coming up to five years and my health still has its ups and downs the biggest of which is we have been unable to fall pregnant and consequentially my mental health has suffered.
Not to despair, we recently got matched with an adoptee son from Thailand and can't wait to meet him in the coming months. I know there will be ups and downs but not matter what I know there is enough love there to endure any shit storm that may come our way.
Thanks for taking the time to read our story, I can't tell you enough how awesome my hubby is and I appreciate him everyday! He is my rock and my counter balance and I love him dearly. Thanks for being you and making me a better person xx
